flowers with teeth

by tobias crabtree

my friend sent me a poem. it was about purpose and loss of purpose. it was about losing your way and forgetting where you’ve come from.  it spoke of rivers and oceans and forests and fins and shells and teeth. it pointed it’s quiet finger at me much like the silent stars remind me to shut my mouth. that friend, who is a buddhist, is at a retreat where he is looking inward so that he can see out. i want to see in and farther out too.

last night i slept at an ex-lover’s house. i was in love with her when she lost her twin babies at birth and i saw her cry tears that men do not…cannot know. i still feel her sadness all these years later, especially that one day in august. i think of it now and then and it makes me explore places in my own busted up heart that may have never been found had it not been for her terrible loss. it’s like a door that was opened by the suffering of another. 

i heard a fella singing about his gay uncle and how he didn’t know what that meant when he was little. and he talks about wondering whether he was gay or not and, my god, he spells it out! all the misconceptions. all the rules and the notions.  he shoots arrows from a righteous bow and they cut through bigotry and hatred and, godamn, if they don’t hit the heart. what is up with us humans and our limits to love? i must live with my heart and so must we all. can we not leave love to grow on it’s own? i can.

while the politicians smile and lie and while the pro athlete’s hit home runs and dunk and score goals…and while the rich folk buy vacation homes and talk about “going green” and while i type words onto my cool little computer there are women who are losing babies, there are babies without mothers, there are limbless warriors and innocent prisoners, there are lost and homeless, there are moaning whales and treeless forests and poisoned rivers.  we humans have a knack for heartbreak, especially our own. 

and if you find yourself heartless, purposeless…here’s some unprofessional advice:

go out and sleep under the stars…just go. lay your heart down against the earth, even if you are a politician…especially if you are a politician. love the unloved. walk into the ocean, take the long way, and breathe.  listen to the wind in the trees in the park. help the helpless. look at the rocks and find a small one that calls you, put it in your pocket and remember where you came from, whatever that means to you. put your hate away. close your eyes, feel your blood in your veins, open your heart. plant. turn your car off. laugh and mean it. open up like a flower…and show your teeth.

come on, give it a try. i do. i’m out there in the wind for sure.